


Zidd jad mein hai kya karenge

by Karman_love



Series: Karman jukebox [2]
Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020), Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020) RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Comfort, Emotions, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, meeting Kartik's Dad, revisiting childhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24178279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karman_love/pseuds/Karman_love
Summary: This is another post Allahbad story. It deals with a different angle of the story of Kartik's dad.' Why was he here? Where was Aman? Had... had Aman left? Left him here with his father? Wait.. his father? Had he done something to Aman!? '
Relationships: Aman Tripathi/Kartik Singh
Series: Karman jukebox [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1745077
Comments: 38
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for all the love on my previous work!  
> This can be read as a sequel of "Tum saath ho phir kya baaki ho" or independently..  
> Hope you like it.  
> Dialogues are in Hindi.

Aman was bored to death at the stupid party. He should've listened to Kartik. He quickly excused himself to the washroom and called Kartik.  
"Oye, kitna time lagega tujhe. Bara baj gaye hai ghar aa na."  
"Haan yaar Kartik, bura phas gaya hu, ab shayad ek ghanta aur to rehna padega yaha, party hi itni late shuru hui, aise kaise nikal jau."  
"Kya bro, koi bhi aira gaira Rohan tujhe bulayega aur tu chala jayega?"  
"Rohan nahi Rohit, colleague tha wo humara Kartik, aur usne tujhe bhi bulaya tha. Tune to keh diya bimaar hai. Ab mai kya kehta, lage haath mai nhi bimaar pad gaya?"  
"Haan.. keh deta, waise bhi bimariya to contagious hoti hai, hum dono itna paas paas rehte hai to.."  
"Chup kar Kartik, idhar mai mare ja raha hu, aur tujhe bakwaas soojh rahi hai. Tu ek kaam kar, so ja, mai jaldi yaha se nikalne ki koshish karta hu."  
"Mmph, you know I can't sleep without your cuddles."  
"Kartik so ja, late ho sakta hai mujhe. Chal bye. Aata hoon jald se jald."

It was two in the night. Aman turned the key in the lock and pushed open the door. Finding all the lights switched off, he tiptoed into the bedroom. He was so tired, he would collapse right then, do hell with the changing of clothes.  
As he entered the bedroom, he saw Kartik, surrounded by an array of pillows and cushions, clutching on to Aman's pillow, with furrowed eyebrows, sleeping like a baby.  
The sight caused warmth to flood through Aman's heart. He smiled, went over and planted a gentle kiss on Kartik's forehead.  
Suddenly, a memory flashed into his mind, perturbing him to some extent. Kartik had told him how he used to build a cocoon out of blankets and pillows for himself as a child, while sleeping. He did that whenever he felt lonely or unloved. It helped him feel safe and sleep soundly.  
Aman dared not intrude his cocoon. He also could not let Kartik out of his sight. So he spread out a blanket on the floor and crashed there.

The next morning, a throbbing headache woke Aman up. He rubbed his eyes before opening them, only to find Kartik's face, barely an inch away from him, peering down at him with an inquisitive expression.  
"Fuck! Kartik! Pagal hai kya? Heart attack ho jaata mujhe.. Aise kaun dekhta hai sote hue aadmi ko?"  
Kartik's forehead creased. "Tu," he said, pressing his finger against Aman's nose, "yaha kya kar raha hai?"

"What do you mean yaha kya kar raha hai? Mera ghar hai, mai yahi rahunga na." said Aman, pushing Kartik's finger away.  
"Arey, I mean, zameen par kya kar raha hai?"  
"Arey, tu apne cocoon mein soya tha, mujhe laga I shouldn't intrude it...  
Bhala karne jao kisika to ulta ek aur prashnottar session." He mumbled.

"Amannn, you are my cocoon, I was missing you, isliye cocoon banaya.  
Ab human touch to tha nahi, to pillows se kaam chala liya." He said, making that irresistible puppy face of his.  
A smile involuntarily made its way on Aman's face. He tugged at Kartik's tshirt and pulled him close, causing Kartik to fall on the floor.  
"Oye" he let out, before snuggling up close to Aman, and resting his head on his chest. Aman ruffled his hair, and kissed his head, before navigating his lips to Kartik's temples, cheeks and neck.  
"I missed your touch too." said Aman, smiling.  
Aman fiddled with Kartik's hair, while Kartik's hand rested on Aman's chest, moving in circles. He slowly run his fingers along the outline of Aman's face, leaving Aman breathless for a few seconds. He really needed to make up for the lack of contact that they both had felt throughout the night.  
The ruffling of hair continued, and Kartik felt like a happy cat.  
"Kartik.."  
"Hmm?"  
"Tune, apne papa ke baare mein kabhi zyada nahi bataya." Aman spoke out softly.  
"Bataya to hai sab."  
"Haan, bataya hai, unhone tujhe maara, tu kutta ban gaya, bhaag gaya, phir wapas gaya, do saal baad ghar chhod diya..  
Par usse pehle? Tu jab aur chhota tha.. Tere Papa kaise the? Tere dost ? School?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kartik opens up about his childhood

"Achha... achanak ye sab kyu pooch raha hai?" Kartik said, snuggling into Aman's shoulder."  
"Aise hi, achanak realise hua, ki kabhi poochha hi nahi."  
"Are you sure? Abhi jaanna hai? Kitanu maarne jaana hai na? Late nahi hoga?"  
"Tujhe bada shauk chadha hai na kitanu maarne ka? Ek din kitanu nahi maarenge to marr nahi jayenge. Chal ab bata."  
"Ok.." Kartik shrugged, "kya jaanna hai?"  
"Sab kuch.. tera bachpan, shuru se"  
Kartik glared at Aman with a poker face.  
"Bachpan? Mera? Aisa kya hai uske baare mein jo tu nahi jaanta ?"  
"Waise to pata hai, but I want to know what was inside your heart, how you felt, tujhe cocoon banane ke liye majboor kyu hona padta tha, tujhe kab khushi hoti thi, kab tu udaas hota tha.. tera parivaar kaisa tha, sab..  
I know bohot late poochh raha hu, par ab bata."

Kartik's expression grew soft. Aman placed his palm on Kartik's cheek.  
"Kartik, ab dekh, mere gharwalon ne to tujhe meri embarrassing se embarrassing stories sunayi hai.. Mujhe bhi tere bachpan ke baare mein sab kuch jaana hai." Aman said.  
"Okay then, film time, Kartik Singh ki aatma katha" he declared, stretching out his fingers to symbolise a movie screen, as he stood up.  
Aman chuckled and followed him into the living room, where they both perched on the sofa.

"Zyada door ka to yaad nahi hai. Jitna yaad hai utna sunata hoon.  
So, as a baby, I was very cute. The cutest there can be." Kartik smirked.  
"Wo to tu abhi bhi hai." smiled Aman, locking his arms around Kartik's neck.  
"Ek baap tha, ek mummy thi, mummy ka chehra achhe se yaad nahi. Saat saal ki umar se to bas uss baap ke saath hi rehna padta tha. He was a typical strict dad."  
Kartik began, casually stating the facts, but Aman knew, this wasn't going to be that easy for Kartik, he hadn't talked openly about his childhood before, and Aman low-key held himself responsible for not asking him.

He gently interlocked their hands, stroking Kartik's knuckles with his thumb. He knew Kartik needed the assurance and support. And it was necessary for Kartik to talk about this. It was like a band aid that needed to be ripped off, some time or the other. Kartik might come off as a happy and cheerful guy, but only Aman had seen him at his lowest, his feeble side, the younger, scared version of Kartik, who, although scared, was confident at the same time. But life had been unfair to him, and it was necessary that he acknowledged it. 

Kartik continued, "Amitabh Bachhan ka bada fan tha. I always knew I wanted to be an Amitabh, but tujhe to pata hai, hero bante nahi hai, hero to hote hai! Aur mai humesha se apne aap ko hero maanta tha, par mere baap ko koi ye baat samjhaye.  
Zyada der tak movie dekhi, to maarne lag jaata tha, kai baar daru peeke, apna gussa mujhpe utaarta tha. Well apne basic duties poori karta tha, jaise ki khaana khilana."  
Aman clenched the fist of his free hand. A volcano of rage was building inside him, for the man who had deprived Kartik of love and affection, and had subjected this beautiful human being to nothing but hate. He was awestruck, at how such a boy had grown to become a man, who had nothing but love to offer to everyone! Although Aman had been his cocoon for the past five years, he didn't know if he could ever fill the void of love that Kartik had endured during his boyhood.

"Doston mein to mai kaafi popular tha... Bas kabhi kabaar jhagde ho jaate the, mere baalon ke colour aur accessories ko lekar.  
Mai jab 15 saal ka tha, tab mujhe Vansh mila. Mere class mein tha. Wo mujhe ghoorta rehta tha aur mai usko.  
To ek din hum dono chhat pe baithe the. Uss din pehli baar dopamine ka visphot experience kiya tha maine. Aur kisi nalayak ne mere baap ko hum dono ke baare mein bata diya. Usne dekha humein kiss karte huye.  
Bas.. bhadak gaya. Lohaar tha na, meri baat samjha nahi, aur maar bhi zor se lagti thi, to Vansh to darr ke maare bhaag gaya. Maar mujhe padi, maine bhi kaat diya, aur bhaag gaya ghar se.  
Par kya kare, bhook to lagti hai na bachhe ko.  
Bohot himmat jutake ghar gaya. Uss raat pehli baar cocoon banaya tha. It made me feel protected. Uske baad se, jab bhi maar padti thi, mai cocoon bana leta tha."

By now, Kartik's head was buried into the crook of Aman's neck, and Aman's free hand was caressing Kartik's hair; his other hand being entwined with Kartik's. He placed a quick peck on Kartik's flushed lips.  
"Do saal kisi tarah se bitaye, Vansh to uske baad se dikha nahi. Baap ke sath zyada baatein nahi hoti thi. Bas ghar aana, khaana, aur so jaana.  
Phir do saal baad, maine doston ke madad se Delhi ke college mein admission liya, papa ke paise churaye aur letter chhod ke aa gaya ghar se.  
Yaha ke zindagi mein to maza aa gaya. Itni freedom maine kabhi experience nahi ki thi.  
College mein kayi dost mile, jo mere accessories se nahi darte the." Kartik chuckled.  
"Apne personality ko apne body mein reflect karne ke liye maine tattoos banwaye.  
Pichhle nau saal mein maine khulke zindagi ji hai. It was like a completely new phase of life. College mein mujhe Devika bhi mili. Usse mujhpe crush tha, but then I told her mai gay hoon, she took it pretty well, you know.  
Phir college ke baad job join ki. Usse aage ka to tujhe pata hi hai.  
Mai tujhse mila, mera pehla aur aakhri pyaar." Kartik said, beaming, even though tears brimmed his eyes. 

"Par Kartik, Pehla? Pehla kaise? Pehla to.."  
Kartik chuckled. "Vansh? Arey yaar mere jaaneman, wo pyaar kaha tha? Crush keh sakta hai usse. Pyaar ek hafte mein thode na hota hai. Pyaar to isse kehte hai, tu abhi jo kar raha hai. Pyaar dheere dheere hota hai Aman. It's a process. It includes friendship, oxytocin, dopamine, tears, smiles, laughter, everything..  
And you are my everything!"

"And you are MY everything" said Aman, touched by what his husband had just said.  
Their foreheads touched, their hands wiped off each other's tears, and Aman pulled Kartik into a tender kiss, pushing into it, all of the love he could bestow.

"Kartik, let's go there."  
"Where?"  
"Tere gaaon! I see it in your eyes Kartik! Your pain! Tune kabhi apne papa ko apne dil ki baat batayi nahi hai.. You've never told him of his wrongdoings, you've never told him that you deserve much better. And it's not fair.  
I'll come with you. Mai Amitabh Bachhan banunga tera"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know, i've just beaten around the bush in this chapter, I promise the next one will be better..  
> What do you think of this?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kartik and Aman are finally face to face with Balwinder Singh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had some trouble with this chapter, hope you like it!

*One week later*

Kartik looked around as he got off the bus.  
"I can't believe you actually convinced me to do this." He whispered, as he observed the changed, yet familiar neighbourhood. The roads had been widened, cemented, but the houses remained. Some had got repainted.  
He felt a squeeze on his shoulder.  
"Kartik, we're doing this only if you're sure. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt. You have been hurt many times already. Tujhe pakka jaana hai?"  
Kartik looked at him assuringly.  
"Haan Aman, I'm sure. In fact, thank you mujhe realise karwane ke liye, that I need to do this. I don't wanna die thinking that I never told him. I never stood up for myself before my own father. Poori duniya se lada, par saala apne baap se hi darke bhaag gaya?"  
Aman rubbed Kartik's hand with his thumb.  
"Hum bas unhe batane aaye hai Kartik, if he does anything that even remotely hurts you physically or emotionally, we'll leave immediately."  
Kartik smiled at the resolve in Aman's eyes.

"Okay, let's go?" Aman asked, letting out a sigh.  
They walked, hand in hand, Kartik leading the way. Many eyes darted towards them, some smiles were exchanged, some stares were received, some dilated pupils looked at Kartik, even some hugs came their way. As they approached closer to the intended destination, Kartik's steps became more and more precautious. Aman could hear his uneven breath. He turned Kartik's face towards himself.  
"Kartik.."  
At the sound of his name, Kartik melted into Aman's embrace, clutching him tightly. Aman stroked his back reassuringly.  
"Kartik, I'm by you, kuch nahi hoga. Mai kuch nahi hone doonga tujhe. We'll stick together."  
The hug tightened, before it broke in a few seconds. Kartik's eyes had more confidence in them now. He nodded. They continued to walk with slow steps, till they were in front of a rusted black gate. Kartik froze, making Aman realise that this was the very house in question.

'Balwinder Singh', the name plate read.It was a small premise. A tiny verandah lay within the gate, which overlooked the main door of the house. The house itself was probably the size of a two bedroom apartment.  
Looking at Kartik, Aman knew that he would have to be at the forefront from here onward. He looked at Kartik questioningly.  
"Hmm" Kartik let out.  
Aman lifted the latch, and pushed at the door, which creaked open. The sound had alerted the owner of the house, and some footsteps were heard.  
"Kaun?" A voice was heard, which caused Kartik to startle a bit. Aman squeezed his hand.  
A man appeared, probably in his mid fifties, quite hefty; streaks of grey were visible on his otherwise shiny, black beard. His biceps were a clear indication of his occupation.  
The sight of the man had caused Kartik to go almost numb. Aman felt him quiver. The fact that the mere sight of his father had caused this reaction in the confident, flamboyant Kartik; infuriated Aman. He squeezed Kartik's hand, and rubbed circles over it with his thumb.  
Kartik's heart was pounding, his eyes darted all over the place. Aman was filled with concern. He did the only thing he could think of to soothe Kartik. He clutched Kartik's hand, giving it a tight squeeze, while rubbing his back with the other hand.  
The old man peered at Kartik, until his gaze reached Kartik's hand, which was entwined with another hand, and then his gaze shifted to the owner of the other hand, as he scanned the shorter man from top to bottom.  
Kartik's eyes had followed his father's gaze, and his grip on Aman's hand tightened. His posture stiffened. He now began to speak, a newfound resolve and rage in his voice.  
"Waha mat dekho. Mai yaha hu, Kartik Singh Tripathi. Ye Aman hai, mera Aman. Aur haan, Bapu. Mai wo chhota, sehma hua Kartik nahi hu. Agar Aman ko chhua bhi na, to..."

There was a coldness in Kartik's voice, and the way he said the word 'Bapu' sent chills down the concerned man's spine. The man opened his mouth as if to say something, but was effectively cut off by Kartik.  
"Nahi, kuch mat bolna. Yaha mai bolne aaya hoon, aap bas sunna.  
Maine kabhi aapko bataya nahi na, ki jo aapne kiya wo galat kiya?"  
Kartik's voice quivered, tears threatening to burst from his eyes. Aman inched closer to him, their bodies almost sticking. He gave Kartik's hand another tight squeeze.  
"Aapne na kabhi mujhe pyaar diya, na parivaar ka ahsaas diya. Di to bas nafrat.  
Apne zindagi ke 18 saal maine aise hi bitaye, sperm ka kiraya chukate huye. Dum ghutta tha mera yaha rehte waqt. Ghar nahi lagta tha ye mujhe. Par mai sochta tha yahi meri zindagi hai. Har minute darr darr ke jeeyo. But I don't mind it Bapu. Kyuki mai jab yaha se nikla to mujhe Duniya dikhi, Aman mila. Usne mujhe pyaar diya, parivaar diya. Aur mai aapko batana chahta hoon, ki ab mere paas papa hai, mummy hai, chacha hai, chachi hai, bhai hai, behen hai, aur pati hai. Aur unhone mujhe itni khushi di hai, jitni aapne kabhi mujhe nafrat nahi di.  
Haan, unse bhi maar padi mujhe.."  
Aman squeezed shut his eyes at the memory, tears rolling down his cheeks.  
Kartik continued, "Par wo maar ek baap ki thi, jiske baad unhone mujhse maafi bhi maangi aur pyaar bhi diya. Mai bas aapko batane aaya hoon. Ki aap galat the, aur ab mere paas parivaar hai. Aur mai khush hoon!"  
After he had let out everything that he had to say, Kartik shattered, and broke down. The cold evening air bit at his skin. Tears were now freely rolling down both his cheeks.  
The man moved closer. He lifted his hand, probably to touch Kartik. But Kartik flinched, as if out of habit, tracing his footsteps backward. He felt Aman's arm surround his waist.  
Kartik's eyes fluttered close. But Aman saw the man's expression change, and if he had read it right, it was a semblance of pain and guilt that he saw in his eyes. But it didn't matter what the man's eyes said. This was the man who had continually delivered hatred to his Kartik, and led to the pent up pain in Kartik's heart, which he had only now let out.  
And Kartik said Aman was the one who bottled up his emotions.  
Aman was brought out of his chain of thoughts when he felt Kartik tremble in his arms. He turned his eyes to Kartik.  
"No no no no no" Aman whisper-shouted. But before he could register anything, Kartik's eyes were shut close, and his body gave out, falling limp on Aman's shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments keep me going guys :)


	4. Chapter 4

Kartik opened his eyes to the sight of his old bedroom. The same walls, although the paint was much faded. There was a thin layer of dust on every shelf and article, but not a single piece of furniture was out of place. His eyes moved to look closer around himself. He lay on the same old bed, where he had had those nightmares, where he built his cocoon after a bad beating.   
Kartik's mind began to race, tachycardia hit him. 

Why was he here? Where was Aman? Had... had Aman left? Left him here with his father? Wait.. his father? Had he done something to Aman!? 

Kartik's eyes darted everywhere. Suddenly, he found it difficult to breathe, his mind was racing at the speed of light.   
No, he had to do something. He had to go to Aman. If Balwinder Singh had anything to do with this, he would not hesitate to kill him. 

*one hour earlier*  
Aman was left dumbfounded. Kartik had just fainted, at the mere sight and anticipated touch of his father? He could not even begin to fathom the extent of fear that Kartik must have harboured throughout his life. A storm of emotions was brewing inside Aman's mind. Concern, rage, guilt, fear..  
He was the one who had brought this idea into Kartik's mind. He was the reason this had happened to Kartik.  
But now was not the time to reflect on all of this.  
His body was pulled down by the weight of Kartik's, he carefully held Kartik's head in his arms, and caressed his face.  
"Kartik.." he sobbed.  
"Hospital... I have to take him to a hospital." Aman muttered as a surge of concern overtook him. 

He searched his pockets for his phone. Ah, there it was. What? No network. What would he do now?

"Dekho beta.."

Aman looked up to face the pair of eyes that was talking to him, and his own burned with fury.

"Yaha se hospital bohot door hai, ambulance nahi aati hai. Usse kuch nahi hua hai. Mai jaanta hoon usse kaise jagana hai. Andar lita do usko."

Aman had never felt so helpless in his life. Here he was, with his unconscious lover in his arms, sitting on the ground, in an unknown village, with no network on his phone, with strangers around, and completely at the mercy of Kartik's victimiser.   
Could he afford to conscientiously allow Kartik to be so close to such a dangerous man, that too in this condition?   
He counted his options, even with the limited brain function he was left with now. His emotions got the better of him, but he had to think practically.  
Why had he not brought some friends along? He had never imagined the situation would get so out of hand.   
Could he move around and find a place that offered him a better network connection? But he could not risk letting Kartik out of his sight even for a second. Would the neighbours let them stay for a night? Neighbours? Kartik had come here after nine years...  
Carry Kartik to the hospital? No! What was he thinking?  
What if Balwinder was lying and the hospital was close by? No, he remembered Kartik having described the landmarks in and around the village to him.

After making the myriad mental calculations, he threw one more hostile glance at the man, and reluctantly positioned his hands around Kartik's body, in order to lift him in bridal style. It was a risk he was taking, by taking Kartik inside this mental asylum of a home; but to his confused brain, at that point, it appeared to be the safest risk he could take. He would not let Kartik out of his sight for a second. They would do just fine, he had thought.

Balwinder stepped close and was about to lend a hand to Aman.  
"Nahi, mai kar lunga." Aman replied curtly. He couldn't so much as let this man touch Kartik. The irony was, however, he himself was carrying Kartik into this man's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think?   
> The next chapter is ready too, I'll put it out very soon, but not before i get back some feedback that I crave hehe 😜


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it :)

It was a little difficult, but Aman managed to carry Kartik, and placed him ever so gently on the bed, where he was led to. 

"Mai abhi aaya" Balwinder said.  
In two minutes, he appeared with a bowl of ice in his hand, and sat on a stool next to the bed.  
Aman was perched on the bed by Kartik's leg, stroking him gently, reminded of a similar night. However, his eyes watched every movement of Balwinder intently.

"Isse aksar aisa hota tha. Ye barf lagane se abhi theek ho jayega." Balwinder said, as he applied the ice to the nape of Kartik's neck.  
Aman's eyes widened, as he slowly began to process the words that had just been said. So what this man was implying was that, Kartik often passed out because of the beatings delivered to him, or even probably at the anticipation of the beatings! 

A newfound rage burned every inch of Aman's skin. Balwinder had delivered unimaginable amount of pain to Kartik, and now he had the audacity to try and "cure" it, with his ice!

"Mai kar lunga" Aman huffed in anger, for the second time, snatching the bowl out of the man's hand.  
Balwinder cleared his throat.  
"Jabse Kartik ghar chhodke gaya, maine sharab ki ek boond nahi pi." He spoke in a guttaral monotone.

"Achha? Aur iss information se mera kya hoga? Kartik theek ho jayega? Usse 18 saal tak jo vyatnaye di, wo bhool jayega? Aaj tak bure sapne aate hai Kartik ko. Aur usse to kya, uske sapne sun sun kar mujhe bhi aate hai sapne!"

Aman remembered that morning from a month ago, when Kartik had comforted Aman, although the narration of the dream must have stirred what not in Kartik's heart!

This was Balwinder's cue to leave the room.  
"Agar kuch zaroorat ho to mai bahar hu, aur fridge mein baraf hai. Aur haan, Kartik ko batana, ki maine maafi maangi hai usse. Aur agar wo chahe, to apni zindagi baant sakta hai mere saath. Mujhe bhi parivaar ki zaroorat hai."  
With that, he left the two boys alone.  
He understood that his son had a new life now. There was so much distance between them. Not that the distance was less all those years ago, but now he could not bring himself to claim any right over Kartik's life, and so he stepped behind. Surely, Kartik would understand, in his own time, and forgive him? He didn't hate his son, he never wanted to. He did realise that he had left deep wounds in his child's heart, that would take forever to heal, and as a result of that, he could not bring himself to even step close to his long lost son, who lay in front of his eyes, unconscious. He reflected on the time when the pressure to raise a disciplined child as a single father, drove him to take inhumane steps. He silently cursed all those nights when he had drowned himself in liquor and placed Kartik at the receiving end of all his frustration. He did feel bad each time he did it, but went back to doing it every other day. The repercussions were still visible to him, in the form of his petrified 27 year old son, lying unconscious on the bed. Life had changed drastically for him indeed, ever since his son left. He wondered if Kartik could ever bring himself to forgive him, when Balwinder himself flinched at the memory of his actions.

Although Aman's mind was occupied with concern for Kartik, he could not help the fury that was burning him alive. Mujhe bhi parivaar ki zaroorat hai?  
These were the words that were coming from a man who had traumatised his own child so severely, that it's after effects were almost permananent.  
He continued to rub the ice on the back of Kartik's head, it's effect was obvious. He could feel Kartik's breath becoming steadier.  
The ice had soon melted. Aman would have to replace it. He had never thought it would be such a scary deal to leave Kartik alone in a room for so much as two minutes. But he had to, and so, with a heavy heart, after some contemplation, he did leave the room.

When he re-entered, he saw Kartik sitting up, with sheer fear in his bloodshot eyes that were darting everywhere. He looked out of breath, and was sweating profusely. His heart was beating so fast, Aman could hear it in the silent room.  
The bowl of ice was strewn across the floor and Aman practically ran to envelope Kartik in his arms. Seeing Aman brought a WAVE of relief in Kartik's heart, all his irrational fears being washed away with a swoosh.

He had gone for two minutes! And Kartik had to wake up within that precise window of time! The day could not have got any worse. Kartik, who was already hurt and traumatised, now had to wake up to the sight of his old room, with no Aman around.  
Aman rubbed Kartik's back. "Sorry.. bas do minute ke liya gaya tha, I'm so sorry.  
We're fine, okay?" 

Kartik pressed further into Aman's chest. His shirt dampened, and Kartik's shoulder did too.  
"Why are we here?" asked Kartik.  
"We'll leave soon."  
Aman sensed the questioning look in Kartik's eyes, and knew what he wanted to ask.  
Should he tell him what Balwinder had said to him? He could not subject Kartik to any hurt, any at all..  
"Are you feeling okay? Dizzy to nahi lag raha?"  
"Nahi, I can't believe I fainted like that... Aman.. Where is he? Tujhe kuch kiya to nahi na?" Kartik asked, with a hint of fear in his voice.  
"Don't worry, kuch nahi, wo bahar baithe hai." Aman said, stroking the nape of Kartik's neck.  
"Lie next to me." Kartik said in a weak voice.  
Aman obeyed, turning into Kartik's cocoon for the umpteenth time.

"You know Aman, when he used to come home, just hearing his footsteps petrified me. Aise lagta tha, koi insaan nahi, rakshas hai. Kabhi kabhi koi aur bhi hota tha, to pairon ka awaaz sunke darr jaata tha. But mostly to, his steps, they were... recognisable. Just the sound of them was terrifying. I so wished to have a life like other kids.."  
Aman's questions from a week before were being answered now. He kept ruffling through Kartik's hair with comforting strokes, as Kartik spoke.

Aman thought he should let Kartik know.  
"You know Kartik, your dad said sorry to you."  
"He did?"  
"Yes" Aman whispered.  
"Good" Kartik replied, with a certain satisfaction in his pained voice.  
Aman had left out the second part. He couldn't bring himself to subject Kartik to this. Not now. Kartik needed time to recover. Revisiting his childhood had really taken a toll on him. He deserved the apology and explanation, but it had to be broken to him gently. Aman placed his hand on Kartik's cheek, rubbing it with his thumb.  
Kartik's eyes were still wet. Aman gently kissed the tears off his baby's face.  
"Ghar chalte hain Aman, please."  
"Haan Kartik, chalte hai ghar", he said, pressing a tender kiss to Kartik's lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm thinking of ending this fic here, with kind of an open end.  
> But do you want a continuation? Or is it better this way? What do you say?  
> Also, what do you think of Balwinder?   
> I depicted him a little differently..

**Author's Note:**

> What are your thoughts?  
> I got the cocoon idea from the character of "Damini" of "four more shots please"


End file.
